*The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) "The hijacking of a NYC subway train leads to an incredulous 'Hijacked a what?' But that's what happens and it makes entertaining, edgy sense, thanks to a tight, plausible plot, good performances, nice humor and a passable resolution."
The Tall Texan (1953) "Everybody should know by now that you don't go messing about sacred Indian ground even if you think there is gold there. But not this bunch."
Tarantula (1955) “An enraged spider works through sheep and cattle toward man. Can this monster be stopped? Of course he can. John Agar, Mara Corday, Leo G. Carroll and the oily Nestor Paiva.”
Tarzan and the Huntress (1947) "Johnny Weissmuller and family (Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield) versus the zoo mavens deep in the backlot flora and fauna."
Tarzan and the Jungle Boy (1968) "Mike Henry is the 15th set of muscles to play the hero and he earns his banana by finding a boy lost in the jungle."
Tarzan and the Leopard Woman (1946) "Old Tarz, the Mrs. and Boy rescue school girls from restless natives in a quickie made in somebody's backyard."
Tarzan and the She-Devil (1953) "Of pachyderms, epiderms and other exciting stuff. A two-banana outing for the vine-swinger."
Tarzan and the Valley of Gold (1966) "Now it's Mike Henry with a banana in his ear. He's no Elmo Lincoln as he retrieves a kidnaped boy, but who is?"
Tarzan's Desert Mystery (1943) "Tarzan takes on Nazi spies and dinosaurs. You buy that, you buy this banana."
Tarzan's Greatest Adventure (1959) "Gordon Scott earns his engraved banana in this classy production that takes the same old character and story line and makes something out of them. The on-location shooting helps. As a bonus there's a look at Sean Connery before he was transformed into 007."
Tarzan's Magic Fountain (1949) "The treeswinger saves a native tribe's fountain of youth from unscrupulous traders. He: Lex Barker; she, Brenda Joyce."
Tarzan's Savage Fury (1952) "A safari headed by a relative of Tarzan comes into the jungle in search of the ape man. Why not? They've done everything else."
Tarzan's Secret Treasure (1941) "Not exactly the ape man's best, but he puts in his two bananas worth. Life's a jungle."
Tarzan's Three Challenges (1963) Ex-stuntman Jock Mahoney takes a crack at our jungle hero, who has somehow gotten to Southeast Asia. Give him a banana."
Taur the Mighty (1960) "Fifteen centuries before Christ, one man battles to free thousands enslaved in the tribal wars. Italian-made non-costume non-spectacular."
Taxi Driver (1975) "Martin Scorsese's operatic testament to New York City's right to be called a helluva town. Commercials and cuts surely will ruin the sickening orgasmic quality of the movie, but nothing can hurt Robert De Niro's incredible performance as a quiet psychopath working himself slowly towards a blood bath."
Teenage Zombies (1958) "Some teens discover an island with an evil woman doctor who turns people into zombies and makes viewers disappear."
Tell Them Willie Boy is Here (1969) "On one level, this is a chase with a sheriff (Robert Redford) hunting down an Indian (Robert Blake). But it is much more. It says something of the times (early 1900's) and of now. Pay attention. The acting is excellent. Directed and written by Abraham Polonsky, after an unfortunately long absence."
Tender is the Night (1962) "The F. Scott Fitzgerald novel is reduced to pap as Jennifer Jones overacts, Jason Robards underacts and everybody else sleepwalks."
Tennessee's Partner (1954) "A saloon queen, a gambler, a cowpoke and trouble. From a Bret Harte story by way of some Hollywood hack."
Tenth Avenue Angel (1948) "Sometimes you can take Margaret O'Brien as a precocious and brilliant psychotherapist, and sometimes you can't. This turkey is the latter sometimes."
The Terror (1963) "This story set in the Baltic around the turn of the 19th century concerns a mad old man (Boris Karloff), a mysterious woman and a French officer. It is also a picture Jack Nicholson would like to forget."
Terror Beneath the Sea (1968) "Waterlogged gore to please the kiddies."
Terror From the Year 5000 (1958) "Time machine brings back a female monster from the future. 5000 obviously will be a bad year."
Terror House (1974) "Night and the house and dubbed."
The Terrornauts (1967) "Creatures beyond imagination are coming to eat us. The whole thing is beyond imagination. Beware."
That Championship Season (1982) "No trophies."
That Kind of Woman (1959) "You know what kind of woman that is."
Theater of Blood (1973) "This is an overdone, overacted, gross, dumb movie about a lousy actor who does insane things to a string of critics. But it's funny. Vincent Price, Diana Rigg, and several well-known faces."
Theatre of Death (1967) "Christopher Lee, the poor man's Karloff, hovers."
They Call Me Bruce? (1982) "One more drug-trafficking ethnic comic, this time in the form of Korean Johnny Yune."
They Came From Beyond Space (1967) "And beyond belief, these cruel things that would enslave mankind."
They Came to Rob Las Vegas (1969) "Add a star if you're into flame throwers and tires that squeal on dirt roads."
They Died With Their Boots On (1942) "Errol Flynn makes a dandy George Armstrong Custer, all the way from West Point, through the Civil War and on to a meeting with Anthony Quinn at the Little Big Horn or thereabouts. Drags in spots, but that's Olivia de Havilland and all that love stuff."
They Made Me a Criminal (1939) "John Garfield is a left-handed boxer (as opposed to 'Body and Soul,' in which he was a right-handed boxer) on the lam from a city cop. He winds up somewhere in the midwest and finds meaning and love on May Robson's farm. Simpleminded, but fun. And Claude Rains is marvelously miscast as the city cop. [With] The Dead End Kids."
They Might Be Giants (1971)
They Saved Hitler's Brain (1964) "He doesn't seem the same without his moustache."
The Thief (1952) “A communist spy is forced to
kill an FBI agent then suffers the tortures of conscience. What separates this
from others like it is a lack of dialogue. The film is free of words, with only
the sounds of the musical score and background noises. Try it.”
The Thin Red Line (1964) "A thin James Jones WWII novel about a stolen pistol and some interpersonal stuff on Guadalcanal gets a thin playing--not uninteresting, just thin."
The Third Secret (1964) "When a psychiatrist dies, his patients develop some suspicious tics. English and talky, but nicely played and ultimately solid. Add a star if you appreciate style."
The Thirsty Dead (1974) "For die-hard cultists."
13 Ghosts (1966) "The old haunted house bit that might appeal to children under five, providing they have no imagination."
--30-- (1959) "Jack Webb trades in a Los Angeles squad room for a Los Angeles newspaper city room, but he still sounds like Sgt. Friday. Some of the city room ambiance isn't bad. Some of the other stuff is. It plays like a TV series pilot."
This Woman is Dangerous (1952) "For those who enjoy watching Joan Crawford suffer and somehow survive.
The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)
A Thousand Clowns (1965) "A totally whacky and touching story of a dedicated non-conformist (Jason Robards) who is determined, against staggering odds, not to see his young nephew (Barry Gordon) go to work like a thousand other clowns. The acting is a joy, the message provocative. As Robards' establishment brother, Martin Balsam won an Oscar."
300 Spartans (1962) "...an embarrassment to all concerned."
...Tick...Tick...Tick... [known under variously-punctuated titles] (1970) "Much ticking, not much booming."
Till the Clouds Roll By (1947) "...you haven't lived until you've seen an incredibly young Frank Sinatra sing 'Old Man River' coming out of a cloud bank in a white suit."
[I want you to be able to say you've lived, so here's the scene. Cashman made have been a little sleepy when he watched this, as it's not quite how he describes it.]
To Hell and Back (1955) "A cliche-ridden version of Audie Murphy's book that recounts the exploits that earned him the title of the most decorated hero of World War II. Murphy's war record gets four stars, but not the film."
Toklat (1972) "A forerunner of the wilderness school of bucolic relationships and animal noises. This one's about an old sheepherder and a cute bear cub. Nice Utah scenery."
Tom Horn (1980) "Frontier scout is hired to assassinate cattle rustlers. Picturesque elegy for an old western hero is as big as all outdoors, but about as much fun as a sunstroke."
Torrid Zone (1940) "A banana plantation,
bandits, a broken down singer and James Cagney with a moustache, not to mention
Pat O'Brien without one. Nice, fast and neat. Better still, great fun. Ann
Sheridan, Andy Devine, and the always pleasing George Tobias."
Torture Garden (1967) "Burgess Meredith is a weird sideshow teller of stories about the evil nature of man. We are given a few examples, from Jack Palance and something ridiculous, to Peter Cushing and something fair."
Tower of London (1962) "This one has Vincent Price stomping around as Richard the Third and hamming it up unmercifully. He kills, sees ghosts galore and finally goes completely bananas. For those who can laugh at strange persons."
Track of the Moon Beast (1976) "A piece of asteroid turns a man into a lizard. From this you don't get great drama."
Track of the Vampire (1966) "Is there a vampire loose in Venice? Do gondoliers sing?"
The Train Robbers (1973) "John Wayne occasionally makes a bomb. This is the occasion."
Treasure of the Golden Condor (1953) "Cornel Wilde muscles his way through 18th Century Guatemala on a treasure hunt. For Mayan temple addicts and Fay Wray fans."
Treasure of San Teresa (1959) "There is a fortune in jewels at stake if you can keep your eyes open."
Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) "That Humphrey Bogart's playing of Fred C. Dobbs didn't win him an Oscar is one of Hollywood's enduring mysteries."
Treasures of Kenya (1967) "A search for uranium goes into deepest Africa, at least that what the posters say."
The Triumph of Michael Strogoff (1964) "An officer in the Czar's army conceives a plan, which is the high point in the entire story. Root for the Turks."
Trog (1970) "An anthropologist finds the missing link and tries to mother it. He's a bad boy. He kills people. See Trog kill."
The Trouble with Girls (1969) "Elvis Presley is a Chautauqua show manager back in the 1920's. He sings, he loves, he rolls his hips, which will either turn you on or off, depending on your age."
20 Million Miles to Earth (1957) "Another blob, another crisis, same old story."
Twilight of Honor (1963) "A struggling young lawyer (Richard Chamberlain) gets help from a wise old lawyer (Claude Rains) in a courtroom drama about a murder. Muddled, slow and less than satisfying. Nick Adams, John Blackman and the pouting sex of Joey Heatherton."
Twist All Night (1962) "Who could sleep with all that noise? A loud, dumb film about a band leader and some teenagers."
Twist Around the Clock (1962) [Same movie as above?] "How Chubby Checker got hip in the mountains, if you care."
The Two-Headed Spy (1949) "Jack Hawkins is a German general. He's also a British spy. The way it's done here, it makes sense. British and nice."
Two Lost Worlds (1950) An American ship captain and a colony from Australia land on an island filled with huge inflated rubber monsters of prehistoric vintage. Don't be scared."
Two Violent Men (1964) "A marshal must arrest a friend for murder, but the friend is really innocent. They work it out. Now that you know, forget it."
*Tycoon (1947) "John Wayne is a railroad builder on his way to big things and nasty arguments. Great old cast and simple truths. Add a star [making three] for old time's sake--or forget it."
UFO (1956) "'Unidentified Flying Objects' all over the place, and it takes Army intelligence better than half the flick to realize it. It's a baddy."
UFO Target Earth (1974) "A quickie about aliens from another world that will dull your mind."
The Unconquered (1947) "Cecil B. DeMille's version of the pre-revolutionary American frontier. Boris Karloff is an Indian."
Underwater (1955) "Jane Russell swims. Hot stuff then. [Also stars] Gilbert Roland with his wrist strap."
Underwater City (1962) "An engineer sets out to build the title. Some moments, but mostly glub, glub."
The Unearthly (1957) "Beware."
The Unholy Four (1954) "Amnesia, murder and other mysterious things. Mix well and gag."
Unholy Wife (1957) "Rod Steiger overacts, Diana Dors overexposes."
Unknown Island (1948) "A scientist aboard a tramp steamer discovers an uncharted island full of inflated rubber dinosaurs."
Up Front (1951) "David Wayne and Tom Ewell may or may not be your idea of Bill Mauldin's Willie and Joe come to life. It's on that measure that the picture rests. If you've never heard of Willie and Joe or Bill Mauldin, forget the whole thing."
Up in Smoke (1957) "The title says it all. The Bowery Boys weren't even trying in this satanic look at horse racing."
The Valachi Papers (1972) "Given the facts (the confessions of Joseph Valachi), this is an incredibly dumb and over-acted movie that wastes a lot of talent. It's a wonder the Cosa Nostra or mafia or whatever it is survived."
The Valley of Gwangi (1968) "Hollywood comes through with another rubber inflated prehistoric monster, and this one goes to church. If you've got a pin."
The Valley of Gwangi (1970) "In this valley there are prehistoric monsters that are extremely funny to behold. There is also an extremely small horse and some extremely stiff dialogue with acting to match. This is an extremely dumb movie."
Valley of the Dolls (1967) "Four show biz women with problems you won't believe. From that novel. Not quite the worst movie ever made, but in there trying all the way."
The Vampire's Ghost (1945) "Human vampire stalks an African village. The twist is he doesn't like his occupation. There's a lot at stake here." (A later review: "The natives are restless because there is a vampire stalking their village. Almost bad enough to be funny.")
The Vampire People (1971) "Also titled 'The Blood Drinkers' and a bomb by any name."
The Vanquished (1953) "After the Civil War, a southern town is reconstructing. If this is a sample of what was happening at the time, it's a wonder the South survived."
Varan the Unbelievable (1962) "Amen."
The Veils of Bagdad (1954) "Victor Mature picking up a fast buck in 16th century Bagdad saving the Ottoman Empire. Mari Blanchard is pretty, too. Watch for an early James Arness."
The Vengeance of Fu Manchu (1968) "Many men smoke, but Fu Manchu."
The Verdict (1946) "A locked room, the almost-perfect crime and an eyeball-rolling Sydney Greenstreet make this almost interesting. And watch Peter Lorre get as close to playing a romantic lead as he ever did."
The Very Thought of You (1944) "Passable suds."
The Victors (1963) "A sprawling, long and uneven anti-war film that was written, produced and directed by Carl Foreman with good intentions and a loose hand. It concerns a squad of American infantry men making their way through Europe and women in WWII. There are stunning parts (an execution in the snow--with music) but the whole is not as satisfying as it should have been. Hang in."
The Viking Queen (1967) "In ancient Britain there is this woman tribal ruler and there are Romans and a few Druids fighting a lost cause. The cast seemed to have the same general problems."
Village of Daughters (1958) "A visiting Englishman gets involved in some local Italian mating rituals that aren't especially funny. Neither is the Englishman."
Village of the Damned (1960) "It was directed by Wolf Rilla. Now, there's a name."
Villain (1971) "A brutal homosexual masterminds a robbery and a bizarre sex life. It leaves you with the distinct impression that Richard Burton will appear in anything if the money is right."
Villa Rides (1968) "He also wears a wig and looks suspiciously like Yul Brynner."
The Virginian (1929) "There are indications that sound caught this entire production by surprise. It is so bad it is extremely funny."
Viva Las Vegas (1964) "What can you say about Elvis Presley that hasn't already been said. Here he's a race car driver who sings. Ann-Margret is sexy."
Voodoo Island (1957) "Boris Karloff. A blood and voooodooo, who dooo?"
Voodoo Woman (1957) "A film to stick pins by."
Walking Tall (1973) "A big one in the boondocks, where it opened to raves. Try it, if only to wonder."
Walking Tall, Part II (1975) "Great movie for closet aggressives."
Walk on the Wild Side (1962) "Sluggish, pulp stuff about some characters in and around a 1930's New Orleans bordello. Nice cast sinks quietly into the muck. The cat has the best part."
The War Lord (1966) "Charlton Heston sports an interesting haircut."
War of the Colossal Beast (1958) "'The Amazing Colossal Man' did well, so they made this one. It's the old radiation thing again. Colossal is the word."
War of the Gargantuas (1966) "A good monster and a bad monster go at it with the world at stake. You knew it would come to this, didn't you?"
War of the Monsters (1966) "This time around it's Barugon vs. Gamera and it's not even funny anymore. [With] Kojiro Emami and other persons you never saw before and, with any luck, will never see again."
War Wagon (1967) "Some laughs and killings."
Watusi (1959) "What happened was that MGM had this left-over footage from 'King Solomon's Mines' and decided it shouldn't go to waste, which led to this epic of African travails. H. Rider Haggard would have gagged."
Way... Way Out (1966) "They are about to send Jerry Lewis and Connie Stevens to the moon, which is a terrific idea." [later version] "Another one of those slapstick Jerry Lewis entries, this time he heads for the moon and lands on his...! You can always look at Anita Ekberg."
The Way West (1967) "That Kirk Douglas, Richard Widmark, and Robert Mitchum could act in concert without seeming to claw at each other is one of the nicer surprises."
The Werewolf (1956) "Can lycanthropy be dull?"
Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1963) "From the producers of 'Frankenstein at the Laundromat.'"
Wet Asphalt (1961) "An idealist is shattered when his journalist idol distorts the truth. As dull as it sounds."
What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? (1966) "Well, son, I had so much fun in this Italian village you just wouldn't believe it. But Daddy, isn't war supposed to be hell? No son, not when it's written, produced and directed by Blake Edwards."
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) “Bette Davis is campy wonderful as a
former child star gone cookie in this overdone, overacted, overlong tale of two
elderly sisters paying for past sins. Still, it’s a grabber, thanks to Davis,
Joan Crawford and some Robert Aldrich touches, including a casserole au
nausea.”
What's the Matter with Helen? (1971) "She has a bad case of Baby Jane, including the dark secret, mental fix and writer. The 1930's atmosphere is dandy and there are some chilling moments, especially in the area of piano solos, but the film lacks something. Try it." Starring Shelley Winters, Debbie Reynolds, Dennis Weaver, and that old standard 'Goody Goody.'"
When Time Ran Out (1980) "More Irwin Allen disaster schlock."
When Worlds Collide (1951) "The film won an Oscar for special effects. It was not a good year for special effects."
Where Love Has Gone (1964) "A daughter kills the lover of her divorced mother in this unbelievably bad sex drama that makes the Harold Robbins novel look good. An uninspired Bette Davis puts in one of her worst performances and Susan Hayward is no better. All around bomb." [From an alternate version] "Nicely packaged and deodorized garbage..."
Where the Bullets Fly (1966) "Routine shooting and loving."
Where Were You When the Lights Went Out? (1968) "Well, if you're Doris Day you're where you usually are, which is playing cute, clean sex games. the plot twist is the 1965 power failure on the East Coast. Sitthroughable."
White Lightning (1973) "Mostly, but not all bad."
The White Warrior (19??) "An Italian version of Russian history that is all flab under the muscles."
Who Done it? (1942) "Bud Abbott and Lou Costello turn detective when a real murder occurs during a mystery show broadcast. They've done better."
The Wicked Dreams of Paula Schultz (1968) "Or, Hogan's Heroes go from hot to cold war and a bigger budget to support Elke Sommer and some of the worst East/West humor this side of Minsk."
Wild, Wild Winter (1966) "College life, with snow--and very, very dumb."
The Wind and the Lion (1975) "Love, Moroccan desert hordes, an international incident and a dash of history in a John Milius movie like they used to make, but don't hardly anymore. Big, glossy and rousing. With Sean Connery, Candice Bergen, John Huston and Brian Keith as a feisty Teddy Roosevelt."
Wings of Fire (1967) "It's worse than it sounds."
A Witch Without a Broom (1966 [in fact, made in '67, released in '68]) "A witch, love and a simple-minded history lesson add up to nothing much. The children might like it if it plays at a reasonable hour." [This is the only time I can recall seeing this movie scheduled, and it was airing at half-past midnight.]
Wizard of Mars (1964) "Spaced-out rocketship stuff that wouldn't fool your baby sister, nor interest her."
The Women of Pitcairn Island (1957) “Fletcher Christian deserved better
than this.”
Worlds Apart (1980) "A weighty theme rendered ponderous. Amos Kollek, son of Jerusalem's mayor, stars."
The Wrecking Crew (1968) "Matt Helm (Dean Martin), the oversexed superagent, is back to save the world, this time working out of Denmark. It's vulgar, gaudy and loaded with booby-traps."
Wuthering Heights (1939) "Heathcliff, Cathy and the moors. One of the classics like they don't make anymore. The cinematography won an Academy Award. For purists, the film only goes to chapter 17 of the Emily Bronte book."
X From Outer Space (1966) "What can you say about a misunderstood 15,000 ton spore from the moon?"
Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) “This rendition of George M. Cohan’s life is
sudsy and blatantly jingoistic, but there is no denying the grand performance
of James Cagney as Cohan. It all came together for him in this film. Don’t miss
him. He won his lone Oscar for this one.”
A Yank in Vietnam (1964) "A marine, war and love. On the hellish side."
Year 2889 (1965) "Anything but vintage, after another nuclear holocaust---mutants, too."
Yellowstone Kelly (1959) "The Warner Bros. TV stable gets involved in a Sioux uprising, which doesn't seem to bother Clint Walker or John Russell, both of whom have problems moving their lips."
Yellow Submarine (1968)
You Came Along (1945) "Three Army buddies on a war bond tour in World War II with Lizabeth Scott as their chaperone. Time has reduced the tear wringing to about a handkerchief and a half."
You Can't Run Away From It (1956) "Ah, but you can--and should. Even Jack Lemmon can't save this tepid remake of 'It Happened One Night.' Dick Powell directed, if you care."
You Can't Steal Love (1975) "'Murph the Surf' steals the Star of India and other valuable gems from the Museum of Natural History. You won't care."
You'll Like My Mother (1972) "It's a weird family. It's a weird house. It's a weird movie."
The Young and the Brave (1963) "Korean War story about three soldiers on the run with a boy and a dog, thus mixing several tried-and-true formulas into something less than each. Rory Calhoun, William Bendix, and, of course, Richard Jaeckel."
Young at Heart (1955) "They dusted off the old John Garfield hit, 'Four Daughters,' tailored it for Frank Sinatra, added a few songs, threw in Doris Day, and hoped for the best. Occasionally, such questionable inspiration works. It does here to the tune of three and a half Kleenex. Hang in."
Youngblood Hawk (1964) "James Franciscus is a writer on the way to success and other problems. You won't believe a word of it. Herman Wouk wouldn't believe a word of it and he wrote the novel."
Young Guns of Texas (1962) "There is a search for stolen gold and an eloping daughter, but the main reason for this insipid tale is to show off the offspring of some noted Hollywood personages. It would seem that acting is not a matter of genes. James Mitchum, Jody McCrea and Alana Ladd."
The Young One (1961) "Symbolic, somewhat turgid and strange, as usual. Luis Bunuel either turns you on or he doesn't. There's no middle ground."
You're in the Navy Now (1951) "It concerns a green crew and a new engine they must cope with. They cope. You won't."
You're Never Too Young (1955) "Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis in a loose remake of the Ginger Rogers/Ray Milland romp 'The Major and the Minor,' which in this version involves a robbery and Jerry masquerading as a 12-year-old, which is type-casting with a vengeance."
Ziegfield Follies (1946) "MGM emptied the lot for this salute to Flo Ziegfield, who, in the person of William Powell, watches from heaven. Ah, Hollywood."
Zontar, the Thing From Venus (1967) "Venus, maybe. Hunger, definitely."
Zorba the Greek (1964) "Anthony Quinn, in perhaps his finest screen performance, etches old Zorba in minute detail, capturing every line of this free-soul opportunist and throwback to a simpler time. Director Michael Cacoyannis holds the attention in more subtle ways. The music is memorable. So is Lila Kedrova, who won an Academy Award. Quinn did not. It went to Rex Harrison for 'My Fair Lady.'"
Zorro Rides Again (1958) "Who cares? This is a paste job on the old (1937) serial and it shows."
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