Sunday, May 20, 2007

REVIEWS: T-Z




Take Me Out to the Ballgame (1949) "Baseball at the turn of the century takes a beating from Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra and Jules Munshin. Esther Williams swims."

Tarzan and the Jungle Boy (1968) "Mike Henry is the 15th set of muscles to play the hero and he earns his banana by finding a boy lost in the jungle."

Tarzan and the Leopard Woman (1946) "Old Tarz, the Mrs. and Boy rescue school girls from restless natives in a quickie made in somebody's backyard."

Tarzan and the She-Devil (1953) "Of pachyderms, epiderms and other exciting stuff. A two-banana outing for the vine-swinger."

Tarzan and the Valley of Gold (1966) "Now it's Mike Henry with a banana in his ear. He's no Elmo Lincoln as he retrieves a kidnaped boy, but who is?

Tarzan's Desert Mystery (1943) "Tarzan takes on Nazi spies. You buy that, you buy this banana."

Tarzan's Greatest Adventure (1959) "Gordon Scott earns his engraved banana in this classy production that takes the same old character and story line and makes something out of them. The on-location shooting helps. As a bonus there's a look at Sean Connery before he was transformed into 007."

Tarzan's Savage Fury (1952) "A safari headed by a relative of Tarzan comes into the jungle in search of the ape man. Why not? They've done everything else."

Tarzan's Secret Treasure (1941) "Not exactly the ape man's best, but he puts in his two bananas worth. Life's a jungle."

Tarzan's Three Challenges (1963) Ex-stuntman Jock Mahoney takes a crack at our jungle hero, who has somehow gotten to Southeast Asia. Give him a banana."

Teenage Zombies (1958) "Some teens discover an island with an evil woman doctor who turns people into zombies and makes viewers disappear."

Tender is the Night (1962) "The F. Scott Fitzgerald novel is reduced to pap as Jennifer Jones overacts, Jason Robards underacts and everybody else sleepwalks."

Tennessee's Partner (1954) "A saloon queen, a gambler, a cowpoke and trouble. From a Bret Harte story by way of some Hollywood hack."

Tenth Avenue Angel (1948) "Sometimes you can take Margaret O'Brien as a precocious and brilliant psychotherapist, and sometimes you can't. This turkey is the latter sometimes."

Terror Beneath the Sea (1968) "Waterlogged gore to please the kiddies."

Terror From the Year 5000 (1958) "Time machine brings back a female monster from the future. 5000 obviously will be a bad year."

Terror House (1974) "Night and the house and dubbed."

The Terrornauts (1967) "Creatures beyond imagination are coming to eat us. The whole thing is beyond imagination. Beware."

That Championship Season (1982) "No trophies."

That Kind of Woman (1959) "You know what kind of woman that is."

Theatre of Death (1967) "Christopher Lee, the poor man's Karloff, hovers."

They Call Me Bruce? (1982) "One more drug-trafficking ethnic comic, this time in the form of Korean Johnny Yune."

They Came From Beyond Space (1967) "And beyond belief, these cruel things that would enslave mankind."

They Came to Rob Las Vegas (1969) "Add a star if you're into flame throwers and tires that squeal on dirt roads."

They Might Be Giants (1971)















They Saved Hitler's Brain (1964) "He doesn't seem the same without his moustache."

The Thin Red Line (1964) "A thin James Jones WWII novel about a stolen pistol and some interpersonal stuff on Guadalcanal gets a thin playing--not uninteresting, just thin."

The Third Secret (1964) "When a psychiatrist dies, his patients develop some suspicious tics. English and talky, but nicely played and ultimately solid. Add a star if you appreciate style."

The Thirsty Dead (1974) "For die-hard cultists."

13 Ghosts (1966) "The old haunted house bit that might appeal to children under five, providing they have no imagination."

This Woman is Dangerous (1952) "For those who enjoy watching Joan Crawford suffer and somehow survive.

The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)
 

300 Spartans (1962) "...an embarrassment to all concerned."

Till the Clouds Roll By (1947) "...you haven't lived until you've seen an incredibly young Frank Sinatra sing 'Old Man River' coming out of a cloud bank in a white suit."

Tom Horn (1980) "Frontier scout is hired to assassinate cattle rustlers. Picturesque elegy for an old western hero is as big as all outdoors, but about as much fun as a sunstroke."

Tower of London (1962) "This one has Vincent Price stomping around as Richard the Third and hamming it up unmercifully. He kills, sees ghosts galore and finally goes completely bananas. For those who can laugh at strange persons."

Track of the Moon Beast (1976) "A piece of asteroid turns a man into a lizard. From this you don't get great drama."

Track of the Vampire (1966) "Is there a vampire loose in Venice? Do gondoliers sing?"

The Train Robbers (1973) "John Wayne occasionally makes a bomb. This is the occasion."

Treasure of the Golden Condor (1953) "Cornel Wilde muscles his way through 18th Century Guatemala on a tresure hunt. For Mayan temple addicts and Fay Wray fans."

Treasure of San Teresa (1959) "There is a fortune in jewels at stake if you can keep your eyes open."

Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) "That Humphrey Bogart's playing of Fred C. Dobbs didn't win him an Oscar is one of Hollywood's enduring mysteries."

Treasures of Kenya (1967) "A search for uranium goes into deepest Africa, at least that what the posters say."

The Triumph of Michael Strogoff (1964) "An officer in the Czar's army conceives a plan, which is the high point in the entire story. Root for the Turks."

Trog (1970) "An anthropologist finds the missing link and tries to mother it. He's a bad boy. He kills people. See Trog kill."

20 Million Miles to Earth (1957) "Another blob, another crisis, same old story."

Twist All Night (1962) "Who could sleep with all that noise? A loud, dumb film about a band leader and some teenagers."

Twist Around the Clock (1962) [Same movie as above?] "How Chubby Checker got hip in the mountains, if you care."

The Two-Headed Spy (1949) "Jack Hawkins is a German general. He's also a British spy. The way it's done here, it makes sense. British and nice."

Two Lost Worlds (1950) An American ship captain and a colony from Australia land on an island filled with huge inflated rubber monsters of prehistoric vintage. Don't be scared."

UFO (1956) "'Unidentified Flying Objects' all over the place, and it takes Army intelligence better than half the flick to realize it. It's a baddy."

UFO Target Earth (1974) "A quickie about aliens from another world that will dull your mind."

Underwater (1955) "Jane Russell swims. Hot stuff then. [Also stars] Gilbert Roland with his wrist strap."

Underwater City (1962) "An engineer sets out to build the title. Some moments, but mostly glub, glub."

The Unearthly (1957) "Beware."

Unholy Wife (1957) "Rod Steiger overacts, Diana Dors overexposes."

Unknown Island (1948) "A scientist aboard a tramp steamer discovers an uncharted island full of inflated rubber dinosaurs."

Up Front (1951) "David Wayne and Tom Ewell may or may not be your idea of Bill Mauldin's Willie and Joe come to life. It's on that measure that the picture rests. If you've never heard of Willie and Joe or Bill Mauldin, forget the whole thing."

The Valachi Papers (1972) "Given the facts (the confessions of Joseph Valachi), this is an incredibly dumb and over-acted movie that wastes a lot of talent. It's a wonder the Cosa Nostra or mafia or whatever it is survived."

The Valley of Gwangi (1968) "Hollywood comes through with another rubber inflated prehistoric monster, and this one goes to church. If you've got a pin."

The Valley of Gwangi (1970) "In this valley there are prehistoric monsters that are extremely funny to behold. There is also an extremely small horse and some extremely stiff dialogue with acting to match. This is an extremely dumb movie."

Valley of the Dolls (1967) "Four show biz women with problems you won't believe. From that novel. Not quite the worst movie ever made, but in there trying all the way."

The Vampire's Ghost (1945) "Human vampire stalks an African village. The twist is he doesn't like his occupation. There's a lot at stake here." (A later review: "The natives are restless because there is a vampire stalking their village. Almost bad enough to be funny.")

The Vanquished (1953) "After the Civil War, a southern town is reconstructing. If this is a sample of what was happening at the time, it's a wonder the South survived."

Varan the Unbelievable (1962) "Amen."

The Veils of Bagdad (1954) "Victor Mature picking up a fast buck in 16th century Bagdad saving the Ottoman Empire. Mari Blanchard is pretty, too. Watch for an early James Arness."

The Vengeance of Fu Manchu (1968) "Many men smoke, but Fu Manchu."

The Very Thought of You (1944) "Passable suds."

Village of Daughters (1958) "A visiting Englishman gets involved in some local Italian mating rituals that aren't especially funny. Neither is the Englishman."

Village of the Damned (1960) "It was directed by Wolf Rilla. Now, there's a name."

Villa Rides (1968) "He also wears a wig and looks suspiciously like Yul Brynner."

The Virginian (1929) "There are indications that sound caught this entire production by surprise. It is so bad it is extremely funny."

Voodoo Island (1957) "Boris Karloff. A blood and voooodooo, who dooo?"

Voodoo Woman (1957) "A film to stick pins by."

Walking Tall (1973) "A big one in the boondocks, where it opened to raves. Try it, if only to wonder."

Walking Tall, Part II (1975) "Great movie for closet aggressives."

The War Lord (1966) "Charlton Heston sports an interesting haircut."

War of the Colossal Beast (1958) "'The Amazing Colossal Man' did well, so they made this one. It's the old radiation thing again. Colossal is the word."

War of the Gargantuas (1966) "A good monster and a bad monster go at it with the world at stake. You knew it would come to this, didn't you?"

War of the Monsters (1966) "This time around it's Barugon vs. Gamera and it's not even funny anymore. [With] Kojiro Emami and other persons you never saw before and, with any luck, will never see again."

War Wagon (1967) "Some laughs and killings."

Way... Way Out (1966) "Another one of those slapstick Jerry Lewis entries, this time he heads for the moon and lands on his...! You can always look at Anita Ekberg."

The Werewolf (1956) "Can lycanthropy be dull?"

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1963) "From the producers of 'Frankenstein at the Laundromat.'"

Wet Asphalt (1961) "An idealist is shattered when his journalist idol distorts the truth. As dull as it sounds."

What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? (1966) "Well, son, I had so much fun in this Italian village you just wouldn't believe it. But Daddy, isn't war supposed to be hell? No son, not when it's written, produced and directed by Blake Edwards."

What's the Matter with Helen? (1971) "She has a bad case of Baby Jane, including the dark secret, mental fix and writer. The 1930's atmosphere is dandy and there are some chilling moments, especially in the area of piano solos, but the film lacks something. Try it." Starring Shelley Winters, Debbie Reynolds, Dennis Weaver, and that old standard 'Goody Goody.'"

When Worlds Collide (1951) "The film won an Oscar for special effects. It was not a good year for special effects."

Where Love Has Gone (1964) "Nicely packaged and deodorized garbage..."

Where the Bullets Fly (1966) "Routine shooting and loving."

Where Were You When the Lights Went Out? (1968) "Well, if you're Doris Day you're where you usually are, which is playing cute, clean sex games. the plot twist is the 1965 power failure on the East Coast. Sitthroughable."

White Lightning (1973) "Mostly, but not all bad."

The White Warrior (19??) "An Italian version of Russian history that is all flab under the muscles."

The Wicked Dreams of Paula Schultz (1968) "Or, Hogan's Heroes go from hot to cold war and a bigger budget to support Elke Sommer and some of the worst East/West humor this side of Minsk."

Wings of Fire (1967) "It's worse than it sounds."

Wizard of Mars (1964) "Spaced-out rocketship stuff that wouldn't fool your baby sister, nor interest her."

Worlds Apart (1980) "A weighty theme rendered ponderous. Amos Kollek, son of Jerusalem's mayor, stars."

Wuthering Heights (1939) "Heathcliff, Cathy and the moors. One of the classics like they don't make anymore. The cinematography won an Academy Award. For purists, the film only goes to chapter 17 of the Emily Bronte book."

X From Outer Space (1966) "What can you say about a misunderstood 15,000 ton spore from the moon?"

A Yank in Vietnam (1964) "A marine, war and love. On the hellish side."

Year 2889 (1965) "Anything but vintage, after another nuclear holocaust---mutants, too."

Yellow Submarine (1968)









 You Came Along (1945) "Three Army buddies on a war bond tour in World War II with Lizabeth Scott as their chaperone. Time has reduced the tear wringing to about a handkerchief and a half."

You Can't Run Away From It (1956) "Ah, but you can--and should. Dick Powell directed, if you care."

You'll Like My Mother (1972) "It's a weird family. It's a weird house. It's a weird movie."

Youngblood Hawk (1964) "James Franciscus is a writer on the way to success and other problems. You won't believe a word of it. Herman Wouk wouldn't believe a word of it and he wrote the novel."

The Young One (1961) "Symbolic, somewhat turgid and strange, as usual. Luis Bunuel either turns you on or he doesn't. There's no middle ground."

You're in the Navy Now (1951) "It concerns a green crew and a new engine they must cope with. They cope. You won't."

Ziegfield Follies (1946) "MGM emptied the lot for this salute to Flo Ziegfield, who, in the person of William Powell, watches from heaven. Ah, Hollywood."

Zontar, the Thing From Venus (1967) "Venus, maybe. Hunger, definitely."

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